Breaking Wedding Traditions

<img decoding= — Mr. and Mrs. Skelton- July 11, 2015

Tradition.

I have always valued and cherished tradition. As a cheerleading coach, a former sorority girl, and a pageant gal, I have belonged to many organizations and teams built on tradition. I have worn old uniforms and taught my athletes old cheers, I have learned the history and rituals of Delta Gamma, I have talked to judges about Miss and Mrs. Indiana winners throughout the years and what their stories teach us. I live for the sisterhoods that I belong to and the rich history behind their values. I love that my family always eats a holiday meal promptly at 1 PM and I woke up with a smile on my face every Saturday morning in college, ready to wear my Breakfast Club costume. Traditions can be extremely neat things worth honoring. But sometimes they can be super cool things to break, too.

I, like so many girls, dreamed of my wedding day from a young age. Many of my friends hated planning their weddings and dreaded making all of the decisions that go along with a big day, but I lived for it. I like flowers. I like dresses. I like music. I love food. Weddings are kind of my jam; attending them, being in them, watching them on Say Yes to the Dress or Four Weddings, you name it and I’m all about it.

Weddings have some of the weirdest and most awesome traditions around. A big group of the bride’s best friends all show up in the same dress. On wedding day, we call that a bridal party. Any other day, we call that an awkward coincidence or a high school show choir. Guests line up to give dollars to the happy couple in exchange for a dance. On wedding day, we call that the dollar dance and yay for honeymoon money! On any other day, we might label that as Las Vegas…club…behavior.

I get a kick out of seeing how each couple makes their wedding day their own and how they celebrate- or don’t celebrate- each of these traditions. The day I married Daniel, my friends did all wear the same (freaking adorable) dress and would have made an awfully cute show choir. I wore white, we ate cake, we danced to a first song as husband and wife. We didn’t have a dollar dance though, because we are dumb and apparently don’t like money. Here are a few more traditions we broke, and had fun doing it.

Tradition: The bride and groom shouldn’t see each other before the wedding

On our wedding day, my husband and I opted for a “first look” because we wanted to spend the entire day together, even though our wedding was not until evening. It was incredibly important to Daniel that our first look was authentic, so he stood at the church alter as the doors opened and I walked down the aisle to him. As I walked down the aisle, I saw Daniel’s expression change as he teared up. I almost tripped on my dress as I walked quickly to him. I ruined my makeup as I cried, hugging him. I did not care. In the whirlwind of pictures, music, cake cutting, and more pictures on our wedding day, we relished this moment of a quiet old church, a long hug, and the realization that we would get to spend the whole day together getting excited to become husband and wife. Our first look was my favorite moment of our wedding day. I got his tears after seeing me walk down the aisle all to myself. I got the moment of seeing him all snazzy in his tux all to myself. It was just my future husband and I (and a very silent and sneaky photographer) giggling together, wiping off pink lipstick, and enjoying the anticipation.

Tradition: The father of the bride walks the bride down the aisle

While the title of Father is given, the title of Dad is earned. Growing up with my mother and step-father, I was given the rare opportunity to choose my dad, and thankfully he chose me, too. He came into my life and showed a commitment to me that he has continued to honor throughout my life. Growing up, I knew that I wanted my husband to possess the same qualities as my step-father; a man who would choose family first and who would give my children the same support that my step-father gives me. Dan, my step-father, did not have to help me pay for college or teach me how to drive- he chose to. As I looked for a spouse of my own, I knew that I wanted to find someone who would cherish the moments of fatherhood that are not given, but earned, like walking the bride down the aisle.

My mother is my best friend from birth, my manager, my counselor. So, I have always known that she would walk me down the aisle because she is the very reason I was able to grow into a person who could find love, get married, and live happily ever after in the first place. She helped plan my wedding, was the team mom for my cheer team, helped pick out my pageant gowns. She went to every bad choir concert, tried to teach me how to divide, and proof-read my papers in high school and college.

My father didn’t walk me down the aisle. My step-dad and my mom walked me down the aisle together. It was one of the most well-deserved and earned walks ever.

Tradition: Wearing one wedding dress

I would wear my wedding gown every single day if I could. I dreamt of what it would look like and I was very lucky to find the dress from those dreams. But, a big wedding gown and a historic bar don’t mesh. Tim McGraw says that diamond rings and old bar stools don’t mix, but really it is poufy white wedding gowns that don’t belong in a beloved Purdue establishment. After our wedding reception ended, we journeyed through the pouring rain to Harry’s, our favorite Purdue bar. Daniel and I shared many nights talking about dogs in Harry’s. My friends and I spent many early football mornings eating lunch for breakfast at Harry’s. I had my first Scooby Snack shot on my 21st birthday at Harry’s. No matter how far you go or old you get, Harry’s will always feel like home to Boilermakers, so we obviously wanted to end our night there.

I knew I couldn’t wear my gown into a bar (imagine how dirty and sticky and yucky it would get, especially after the downpour), so I changed into my “Harry’s dress” near the end of the reception, before heading to the after party. I had so much fun cutting loose in the white two-piece and liked surprising people with the outfit change. Who says you can’t have two dresses?

Tradition: The bride adds a wedding band to her engagement ring

Not for me. Before we even got engaged, I knew I wanted my ring to stand alone and speak for itself on my hand- I didn’t want a wedding band. So, instead, Daniel and I both got our rings (my engagement ring and his wedding band) engraved. We kept the engravings a secret and waited until after exchanging our vows to read the inscriptions. This special addition to my ring is my version of a wedding band. We both itched and itched to know what hidden message we would find in our rings that day. I wore my ring up until the wedding, so I had to promise real hard that I wouldn’t peek. Daniel, I promise you that I truly really earnestly honestly didn’t peek. I love having his words to me on my hand, always.

Tradition: A guest book

We wanted something that we could display in our home as a reminder of all the awesome people at our wedding, so instead of signing pages in a book, guests signed our new monogram. The giant wooden “guest book” is now hanging in our dining room, where we can walk by it every day and see the signatures of the people we love most.

Traditions are wonderfully cherished things, especially on wedding day. But as I learned, the journey of a wedding day and all that goes with it is not about honoring or not honoring any tradition, it is about what makes the couple happy. Breaking some of these traditions is what fit Daniel and I best. Maybe you don’t want to eat cake, or wear white, or have a bridal party. Maybe you do. Whatever floats the Mrs. and Mr.’s boat is what should happen. My advice is to follow your heart in all of those decisions, big or small, and don’t let any person try to tell you how to do your day. It is yours, after all. Enjoy every moment.